why i'm reluctant to go to prom

1. Most important reason is the cost--honestly, I feel like I've let my parents down. I want to go to the most expensive college, even when Berkeley is just right there, and the opportunities are basically the same. I'm pretty selfish--I don't really want to think about the financial burden I'll place on my family and so I act all frivolous about it, but I feel terrible. I waste so much of my parent's money on SAT prep courses and just classes in general, but my SAT scores aren't even what I had hoped for. I make them send me EVERYWHERE when I'm just a lazy ass who won't get my license. idk...asking them to dish out another $250 for prom is so hard. I just feel bad. and i'm also a stingy asian who won't spend $250 of my own money for ONE NIGHT. 
2. Social interaction- when there's a big group of people, I always sense an emptiness. It's like, there are always moments when I'd rather not interact with people. Cuz everything is so fake. My high school "life" is entirely fake. All those grand youthful emotions I experienced had spawned from cheesy books and dramas...so what's the point of commemorating this with a high school prom? And, yeah. I just don't wanna talk to people and pretend to like them and keep on smiling, cuz my cheeks will start to hurt.
3. People are making such a big deal about it. I mean, it probably means much  more to other people than to me, but idk. LOL. it's annoying to listen to someone rant about it all the time. =____= but honestly, IT'S JUST A PROM. if you're gonna ask a girl to go with you, just ask. like NBD bro. If she rejects you, who cares? you'll only have to bear with her for another month. and don't just ask the person who you think is most likely to say yes. that's plain douchey and desperate.
4. I really don't like how I am right now. Prom is all about memories right? Nice dress and lots of pictures. I'm not exactly satisfied with my image, and I know this sounds cliche and shit, but all girls go through this, I'm sure. I don't want to wear a dress and feel bad about it. I don't want to look back on pictures and have my self esteem sink =____= yeah. when I think of prom, I think of like, active youth yaknow? Not a fatass potato, which is honestly what I'm feeling like right now. And, again, I'm too lazy to do anything about it, so my options of what I want to do, is pretty limited.

yeup...maybe I'll make another blog post in a few days on why i SHOULD go to prom. LOL. then i can compare and contrast and shiz.

and writing this was surprisingly therapeutic! or maybe the caffeine is just wearing off ^___^